Date/Time: 2009-01-16 21:37 (UTC)Posted by: [identity profile] ultranos-fic.livejournal.com
I really hate that sometimes I'm forced to do the "pick one!". Because I tried that. I really did. I started checking the "South Asian" box all the time, and then my own mother called me out on it, asking me if I was ashamed of my father's race.

And I felt lower than dirt for that.

And that's the thing. For some reason, at least for me, owning that I AM Mixed is somehow more deeply personal when I talk about it. Because there's a lot of family history and pain and it took a heck of a lot of bravery for both my parents (my mother didn't speak with her father for a year, because my grandfather couldn't deal with the fact she was dating a white man). But...it feels disingenuous to deny that.

So I'm trying to own the term Mixed. But it's so very, very hard, because in discussions like these, I feel so very caught in the middle. Because I can see both sides, and there's this choking, burning sensation in my throat and yet I'm afraid to speak because I can't "choose" a side. Because choosing hurts more.
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Memoranda from the Usual Suspects

Media List:

Currently Watching:
-- She-Ra(in theory)

Currently Playing:)
--Fire Emblem: Awakening (3DS)
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Fiction
-The Silence of Bones, June Hur

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-none

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"So she's good cop, he's bad cop, you're morally-questionable cop, and I'm set-things-on-fire cop."

"Sounds about right."

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"WARNING: When attempting to be clever, make sure you not actually just being stupid."

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"Did you remember to sacrifice the goat before burning the ISO to the DVD-R?"

"Crap! Um, I've got a charred piece of meat here."

"That's called a steak. That's dinner. What about the sacrifices?"

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"I escape through quantum-tunneling. What do I need to roll for that?"

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"Why is it called a 'Monkeylord'?"

"Because it looks like a spider."

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"I have a moral objection to this problem. It implies microwaving a steak."

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"Did you eat the crazy cookies this morning?"

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"The GPU goes 4 by 4, hurrah, hurrah."

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