ultranos: Actual MIT hack of roadsign. "MASS AVE BRIDGE CLOSED / SUNDAY 04/22/07 6AM-3PM / TO APPEASE GODZILLA" (have you appeased godzilla today?)
This is the AU we swear we're not writing. Really.

Title: Welcome to the Universe, Doctor Jackson
Author(s)/Culprit(s): [livejournal.com profile] ultranos_fic and [livejournal.com profile] abyssinia4077
Fandom: Stargate SG-1/Doctor Who crossover/fusion (yes, it is actually that difficult to pinpoint)
Rating/Warnings: G, gen. General wackiness.
Word Count: 2852
Notes: The one in which Sam is a Time Lord.
Summary: Daniel Jackson is one of those people doomed to a life more extraordinary, if the universe has anything to say about it.


Daniel sighed and thumped his head against the podium. That's it. His career was over. He'd turned himself into the laughingstock of the entire archeological community. Despondently, he shuffled his papers into some semblance of order and shoved them in his suitcase. Head down, he trudged to the back of the room towards the exit. He couldn't help, though, but raise his head and take one last look at his once bright future, now reflected in the empty lecture hall.

When he turned back to the hallway, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

There was a woman standing there, waiting for him to notice her, right by the door. She didn't look like an academic, dressed as she was in jeans and a white shirt with a long, black leather jacket. Her hands were shoved into the jacket's pockets, and she was watching him with a considering look in her eyes. "Tough crowd," she commented nonchalantly.

"Wha? Oh, yeah, well..."

"My name is Samalanderthyrixian Eliaster Cartersevrious II."

Daniel blinked.

"Call me Sam."

Daniel blinked again. She was still standing there, now grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"I hope you don't mind I snuck in there to hear your lecture."

"Oh...oh...that's...uh, no, I don't mind."

"You're right, you know."

Daniel blinked again. "Excuse me?"

"Absolutely fascinating talk. Didn't think you humans had in you to recognize Goa'uld landing pads when you saw them."

Daniel looked around the hallway, but it was still much too empty. Nobody to distract him from the landing pads. "Goa....?"

"Goa'uld landing pads." She emphasized the distinct vowel sounds. "Your pyramids. Like you said in your talk. You humans are intrepid, but the ancient Egyptians weren't building anything that complex on their own."

'You humans'? Clearly, this woman was not playing with a full deck of cards. "I, I, I didn't say they were landing pads."

"Oh," she waved her hand. "That's just details. You still had the right idea."

Daniel tried to back away. "I actually have to go and..." except she followed him with each step. Okay, this was seriously weird. And getting creepy.

"Would you like to see them?"

”What?” He doubted they’d changed since he was last in Egypt.

"Being built, I mean?"

He looked around, a little desperately, to see if there was anyone else around. The hallway remained uselessly empty. Although there was some hopeful whistling coming from a closet down the hall. He looked back at...Sam who was rocking back on the balls of her feet expectantly at him. "I'm sorry?"

"Are your ears malfunctioning? I can fix that too, you know."

"I thought you asked if I wanted to see...landing pads...being built?"

"Yes. C'mon."

She reached up, wrapped her fingers around the collar of his shirt, and started dragging him down the hall. He was momentarily shocked that she had the strength to pull him along with one arm, as he was not helping the endeavor at all. Also, was there seriously no one around to see him manhandled like this? He quickly started moving his feet, because he was fairly certain she'd just drag him across the floor by the scruff of his neck if he didn’t.

Near the top of the stairs, right by the exit, he managed to trip over his suitcase, finally slowing her down. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't think this is such a..." he tried to stutter out.

"Let me guess: you think you shouldn't run away with strangers?"

Daniel opened his mouth, then closed it again, trying to figure out a diplomatic way to put it. It wasn't so much that he was afraid of strangers as she that was, well, strange. His self-preservation instinct, the one people had often claimed he didn’t have, was kicking in.

On the other hand, it wasn't like he really had anything to lose at this point. There was no way he could go back to Doctor Jordan now, not after being laughed out of a lecture hall.

"Look, I'll just take you to see them, and we'll be back before you know it. Nobody will even miss you," she insisted, now tugging on his sleeve.

Daniel stared at her. He really didn't have anything to lose, and, well, humoring the strange woman could be his good deed for the day. Week. Whatever. Karma, at least, would owe him.

That didn't mean he could stop his tongue from pointing out the obvious flaw in her plan. Nor was he stupid. "How, exactly, are you going to show me them being built?"

She just looked at him like he was crazy, latched onto his wrist, and nearly dragged him down the stairs. "Come now, you believe aliens built the pyramids and you can't imagine time travel?"

"I never said anything about aliens."

"Doesn't matter."

Daniel followed her down the stairs (it was either that or fall down them after her), his suitcase hitting every step as he dragged it behind him. She happily led him out, seeming to not even notice the minor fact that it was pouring rain outside. He pushed his wet hair out of his eyes as she went around the building to the parking lot.

When she stopped dead in front of an old VW van, with a technicolor tie-dye paintjob and a sun shield decorated with the face of a giant Roswell alien in all it's glory, he began to rethink this decision to follow her. Next to him, she grumbled under her breath, something about some circuit spazzing again.

"Um, I really think-"

"Oh, just get in."

She opened the back and pushed him inside. It looked...nothing like the inside of a van.

"Wha...what...what is this?" he asked, backing up against the wall. Which should have been somewhere in the middle of the street, judging by the number of steps he took. His suitcase made a reverberating thud as it fell from his hand.

"This is the TARDIS." She had climbed in after him. "No, don't touch that!" she shouted, and he pulled his hand away from... a glowing something.

"Tardis?"

"TARDIS. Time And Relative Dimensions In Space."

"Excuse me?"

She shook her head. "I can take you anywhere you want in time and space."

"It's...a time machine?" Daniel figured if he waited long enough, his brain would catch up eventually.

"Yes. Among other things." She poked his forehead. "Please do try to keep up."

He knew he was doing a really good impression of a fish at this point. Any moment now, someone would come up to him and tell him it was all a joke. Yep. Any minute now.

"So. Ancient Egypt," she muttered, walking past him to the...pillar thing...in the middle of the...TARDIS. "Let's see. Carry the nine, divide by two, take the square root and, yes, that should do it." He couldn't make heads or tails of what she was doing, other than pressing a variety of buttons. "You'd best hold on to something," she said, reaching up to pull one long lever. "The temporal dampers are a tad rusty."

Daniel nearly fell over when the room lurched under his feet and a horrible screetching and grinding noise filled the air. He started to grab a tree-like thing coming out of the floor.

"Not that!"

Sitting was clearly the best course of action, since he was about to land on the floor anyway. "Um, I'll just...sit here until it's safe."

"Yes, yes, that sounds like a smart plan," she nodded, hanging gamely onto the lever she'd pulled earlier. The slightly manic grin was not terribly reassuring.

Once again, he was wondering what the heck he had just gotten himself into.

"Uh oh."

"What?" Daniel looked up in shock. That was never a good sound.

"Oh, nothing, nothing. Just have to adjust the phase here and here," she said, typing quickly with one hand on a panel while adjusting knobs with the other, and then racing to the other end of the room to flip a few switches.

"Oh, and," she added, opening a door Daniel hadn't noticed and ruffling around inside. There was a muffled squawk, and then she pulled out a wide-brimmed hat. "You'll want to wear this," she said, tossing the hat at him. "The sun is rather intense this time of year."

He eyed it dubiously. It was green. And floppy.

"Er, if we're going to Ancient Egypt, won't this," he gestured to the hat, and then to the rest of his outfit, "look a little...out of place?" Not that he actually believed they were going to Ancient Egypt, but it seemed smart not to express too much doubt at the crazy person. He wisely said nothing regarding her own outfit. Even though he knew Converse sneakers did not exist back then.

Black Converse sneakers. With multi-colored galaxies on them. Oh dear lord, what had he gotten himself into?

The room came to a shuddering halt. He pulled his eyes away from the shoes as their owner came closer. "Well, come on then."

"But..."

"No one is going to notice your clothing."

"But...!"

She rolled her eyes. "Tell me, do you take note of what everyone else is wearing? All the time? You humans block it all out if it doesn't fit into your normal perception."

Daniel sighed. Okay. He'd humor her. She clearly wasn't going to accept anything less. He scrambled to his feet and walked over to the door. She looked at him encouragingly. He opened it and saw...sand.

Lots and lots of sand.

His mouth dropped open.

"But...how?"

"I told you, TARDIS. Now c'mon," she answered, grabbing his elbow and pulling him out of the...sand jeep?

She looked back at it and cursed. "Dammit. The retroencabulator needs a new marzelvane."

She stalked back to the...jeep and disappered inside. He heard a clunk and a bang and suddenly he was staring at a mud hut. She came back out and looked at it. "Better." She turned to him. "Well? Shall we?"

Still slightly dumbstruck, he followed her as she walked across the dunes. She had been right: the sun was bright. He jammed the hat on his head, then blinked at the fact that she seemed unconcerned about the brightness...or the heat, in that leather jacket of hers. Daniel heard noises — the bang and scraping of stone — far off.

The woman stopped on the crest of a dune and gestured beyond her with a hand. Daniel came to the top of the dune, looked to where she was pointing, and had to sit down hard in the sand.

Below them, in a rock quarry, thousands of people worked, chipping away at rock. They milled and scrambled around what looked to be the base of a pyramid. Off to the side, however, was what looked to be another pyramid...if the pyramids had oval bases jutting out from them and space engines.

"Oh my god..."

"Funny you should say that," she said, standing next to him with her arms folded across her chest, glaring down at the scene below them. "The Goa'uld masquerade as gods, using fancy tricks of technology that looks like magic to more primitive societies. In reality, they're just parasitical lifeforms that require a host to survive outside their natural aquatic environment. But their slaves don't know that."

Daniel looked up at her. "All those people down there are slaves?"

"When you're a god, everyone's your slave." She considered him. "Course, that only works as long as people believe you're a god. Tricky business, that. Especially against clever opponents." She turned her gaze once again down to the people down in the quarry. "About two hundred years from now, these people will form what might be one of the greatest rebellions in history and drive the Goa'uld from this planet forever. Using little more than bronze tools."

She looked at him with a brilliant grin. "You people are absolutely amazing."

Daniel turned back and watched the tiny people below. Watched them do back-breaking work to create a landmark for their alien overlords, but one that would stand for thousands of years. And as he watched, he couldn't help but feel the flicker of vindication inside. He was right. It didn't matter that all his colleagues had laughed him out of his field, because, in the end, they were wrong. He had seen what no one else would. Daniel couldn't help the smug sense of satisfaction grow inside. At the same time, it didn’t feel right just watching them. “Can’t we do anything?” he asked.

Do?” she responded.

“They’re being enslaved by aliens,” he insisted, sweeping an arm across the scene. “You’re powerful. Can’t you drive them off?”

She shook her head, lips pressed into a thin line. “I told you, one of the greatest rebellions in history. They save themselves.”

“But not for two hundred more years.”

“I cannot blithely wave my hand and completely change the history of this galaxy. Would you like that kind of responsibility, Daniel Jackson?” There was a new edge to her voice.

“Oh,” he said, turning back to to the scene below, now resigned to leave them to their fate. Only two hundred more years. None of them would know it.

He didn't know how long he sat there when a hand jutted into his vision. He looked up, to see the strange woman holding her hand out to him. "Well, come on. I said I'd get you back."

Daniel grasped the hand and scrambled to his feet. "That's it? Just this?"

"I said I'd show you them being built, and I did." She started walking back to the TARDIS.

Daniel chased after her. "Wait! That..." That wasn't the right question. "Why?"

She stopped. "Why what, Doctor Jackson?" she asked, slowly turning around.

"Why me?"

"Because you needed to see it. Because you should know that you're right. Because you could be great, Daniel Jackson." She shrugged. "Pick one."

"I could be great? How? I'm a laughingstock now."

"But you saw what no one else could, made the logic leap into the unknown that every one else was afraid to do or couldn't see. That's what greatness is."

She turned back towards the TARDIS. "What am I supposed to do now?" he asked.

"That is entirely up to you."

She managed to take a few more steps before Daniel called out, "What about you?"

She stopped again. He closed the gap between them, stopping a few feet away. She seemed to wait until he was there before turning around again. "I'm...a traveler. I just travel."

She wasn't saying something. "You don't have a home?"

A flash of pain crossed her face, and she lost the smile. Her eyes suddenly looked so very old. "I used to. But it's...gone, now."

"What happened?"

"A war."

"So...you said you could go anywhere in time and space. So why not go back before the war?"

She barked out a laugh. It was brittle and raw. "If only I could. No, my people lost the war, and now they're...gone."

Daniel was convinced now she wasn't human. He was still unsure about the not-crazy part, but pretty sold on the not human. "Your people?"

"I'm a Time Lord. Lady, actually."

"Isn't that a little arrogant for a name?"

She hmmed. "True. But I'm sure you can imagine the logical consequence to a race known as the 'Time Lords' losing a war." Her grin was tinged with pain and bitterness.

And Daniel could. He considered the possibilities as they walked back to the TARDIS. Once inside, he spoke. "So...you're alone now."

She, Sam, shrugged. "I get by."

He licked his lips. "Anywhere in time and space?"

Sam looked at him. "Yes, I said that already. Multiple times."

"Can...can you show me?" She raised an eyebrow. "It's just...I don't have anywhere else to go and everything I own is in that suitcase over there, and even though I know I'm right and you know I'm right, everyone else thinks I'm a nutcase and I've got nothing to go back to and surely you'd like some company because it has to get boring at some point being alone and I won't..." his babbling died as she put a finger to his lips.

Sam was grinning. "Okay."

Daniel blinked. "'Okay'?" She nodded. He smiled. "That's it?"

She nodded again. The TARDIS door closed behind him. Sam walked over to the console in the middle of the room, and gave him the brightest smile he'd ever seen.

"It's a big universe out there, Daniel Jackson. Time to get started."

And as she flipped some levers and turned some knobs and the floor lurched under his feet, Daniel decided that maybe this day wasn't so bad after all.
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ultranos: kino standing, staring ahead (Default)
ultranos

Memoranda from the Usual Suspects

Media List:

Currently Watching:
-- She-Ra(in theory)

Currently Playing:)
--Fire Emblem: Awakening (3DS)
--Astral Chain (Switch)
--itch.io bundle (PC)

Currently Reading:
Fiction
-The Silence of Bones, June Hur

Nonfiction
-none

------------------

"So she's good cop, he's bad cop, you're morally-questionable cop, and I'm set-things-on-fire cop."

"Sounds about right."

--------

"WARNING: When attempting to be clever, make sure you not actually just being stupid."

--------

"Did you remember to sacrifice the goat before burning the ISO to the DVD-R?"

"Crap! Um, I've got a charred piece of meat here."

"That's called a steak. That's dinner. What about the sacrifices?"

--------

"I escape through quantum-tunneling. What do I need to roll for that?"

--------

"Why is it called a 'Monkeylord'?"

"Because it looks like a spider."

--------

"I have a moral objection to this problem. It implies microwaving a steak."

--------

"Did you eat the crazy cookies this morning?"

--------

"The GPU goes 4 by 4, hurrah, hurrah."

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