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So, uh, apparently, I'm graduating tomorrow. It's just really starting to hit home now. ("Today is the last day my Rat will be worn this way! ACK!", for an example of my thought process this morning)
When I think about time after tomorrow, it's this...big, blank nothing. I don't know what I'm doing next, I've been "a student" since I was 2 years old. I have no idea how not to be a student. I know I need to find a job, and that's scary, because apparently this piece of paper I'm getting tomorrow means something, and there's maybe a degree of responsibility generated by the names on that piece of paper that's starting to settle down on my shoulders. There are expectations now, and I'm scared, I think. Desperately scared of not meeting them. Because I'm human, not some super-awesome superhero. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Maybe I'm so used to having pressure put on me that I'm putting imaginary pressure on myself and it's all in my head, and if I don't stop, I'll only end up hurting myself.
Maybe I'd feel better if I had a job, and knew what was next. I don't know. I'm already pondering grad school in a few years, because I don't think I want to end with an SB. (That expectation and pressure thing again, I think) But not now. For the first time, I'm honestly and truly stepping out into the great unknown. And it's scary, and exhilarating, and so much bigger than me.
There is something special about seeing "Degree: SB2A (awarded)" on my Undergraduate Degree Audit, though. (Oh my god, this is actually happening. What. The. Hell.)
When I think about time after tomorrow, it's this...big, blank nothing. I don't know what I'm doing next, I've been "a student" since I was 2 years old. I have no idea how not to be a student. I know I need to find a job, and that's scary, because apparently this piece of paper I'm getting tomorrow means something, and there's maybe a degree of responsibility generated by the names on that piece of paper that's starting to settle down on my shoulders. There are expectations now, and I'm scared, I think. Desperately scared of not meeting them. Because I'm human, not some super-awesome superhero. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Maybe I'm so used to having pressure put on me that I'm putting imaginary pressure on myself and it's all in my head, and if I don't stop, I'll only end up hurting myself.
Maybe I'd feel better if I had a job, and knew what was next. I don't know. I'm already pondering grad school in a few years, because I don't think I want to end with an SB. (That expectation and pressure thing again, I think) But not now. For the first time, I'm honestly and truly stepping out into the great unknown. And it's scary, and exhilarating, and so much bigger than me.
There is something special about seeing "Degree: SB2A (awarded)" on my Undergraduate Degree Audit, though. (Oh my god, this is actually happening. What. The. Hell.)
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