ultranos: lain is having techinical difficulties (argh)
I don't know how to start this. This isn't how I thought this week would go. This isn't how I wanted it to go. I'm like a lot of people right now.

I don't know how to start this, but I'll try.

Hi.

It's been awhile, hasn't it? I'm more active over on Tumblr these days, but...I think I needed to come back here. I'm sorry it's been so long.

So this week happened. That election happened. The atmosphere around here, up in the deep-blue parts of deep-blue Massachusetts, I can only describe it as "oppressive". Everything seems muted. The statements from the university are the same ones they send out when someone dies. It's surreal.

I can't really say too much. I keep flitting back and forth between despair and white-hot rage.

I'm already losing things. I knew Wednesday that I'm going to have to quit my PhD after getting the Masters in the spring. No funding, funding uncertainty, and the stark knowledge that I need to be able to afford to drag my parents and brother out here, where it's safer, in case the worst happens. I can't do that while in school.

I don't know what I'm going to do. It's still a gaping wound to know that I woke up one day with options and a future, and when I woke up the next those were gone. Every time I think I might be able to talk about it, put some distance between it, I just end up feeling raw all over again.

It's so cold and painful to know that the people who share blood with you don't actually give a shit about you, and that they're fine with throwing your dreams and future and safety in the trash. I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk to them again. I might have stopped caring.

I'll pick myself up again. I'm going to be too angry, too spiteful to stay down.
Date/Time: 2016-11-13 03:11 (UTC)Posted by: [personal profile] abyssinia
abyssinia: Sam Carter's first view of Earth from space and the words "all my dreams" (Default)
*hugs* I'm so sorry. Everyone I know (well, almost everyone) is in states of shock right now. The mood in my department/field is certainly grim (environmental science is almost definitely first on the chopping block since both the Republicans in congress and Trump want it gone) and the department has felt like a ghost town this past week.

I thought when you started the PhD program you had a funding guarantee for a while. Did that change? I know there's a lot of well-reasoned terror in the science community right now about the future of our jobs and scientific research in America, but no existing funding has been taken away and we don't actually know exactly what cuts will happen.

I wish I could say it was going to be okay. But I have absolutely no idea. I'm definitely still feel shellshocked and lost.
Date/Time: 2016-11-13 17:34 (UTC)Posted by: [personal profile] abyssinia
abyssinia: Sam Carter's first view of Earth from space and the words "all my dreams" (Default)
That makes sense, and I'm so so sorry it's happened that way (for some reason I thought you had more than 2 years of guaranteed funding when you started, but it's been a while).

Man, I remember the days when the state we were both born in hugely respected education and was proud to have such an amazing University system. And was also brought to be just about the epicenter of Unions in America. *sigh*

The tiny bit of good spin I can give you is that you *are* going to earn the Masters and that is going to open up job opportunities and the field your in is not as intensely on the chopping block. Graduate schools aren't going away and the PhD will still be there in the future, if you decide you want it. I know that's cold, cold comfort. I also highly respect your advisor for being honest with you and not ignoring the future situation.

*hugs so much*
Date/Time: 2016-11-13 03:42 (UTC)Posted by: [personal profile] splinteredstar
splinteredstar: (Pride scribble)
hey nos.

i've spent the last few days exhausted, terrified for myself and others, and grieving for the country I thought I lived in.

I don't know how I can help, but if there's ever anything i can do for you, let me know.
Date/Time: 2016-11-13 14:43 (UTC)Posted by: [personal profile] bluemeridian
bluemeridian: Chloe from Smallville, with coffee and a sideways look. (Default)
*hugs* Yeah, this week is definitely a thing that happened and will continue to happen. Anger has definitely been the fuel I'm running on so I can say it's pretty useful when it rises up and eclipses the shock.
Date/Time: 2016-11-14 14:50 (UTC)Posted by: [personal profile] havocthecat
havocthecat: the lady of shalott (Default)
I'm sorry that your options got taken away and you have to remake a whole future from what you thought you'd be doing. That's a horrible feeling and it's never fun. I know you'll figure out what you want to do and how you're going to get there. You're smart, talented, and determined. But I'm sorry that the situation right now is making it so hard for you to do that.

Profile

ultranos: cecilia adelhyde holding spell book (Default)
ultranos

Memoranda from the Usual Suspects

Media List:

Currently Watching:
-- Supergirl(hiatus)
--Pitch (hiatus)


Currently Playing:
--[null] (PS3)
--[null] (PS2)
--Fire Emblem: Awakening (3DS)
--[null] (PSP)
--[null] (XBox360)
--Endless Legend (PC)
--Fallout: New Vegas (PC)


Currently Reading:

Manga
-[null]

Fiction
-The Rook, Daniel O'Malley
-Fortune's Rising, Sara King

Nonfiction
-Ratf**ked: The True Story Behind the Secret Plan to Steal America's Democracy, David Daley


------------------

"So she's good cop, he's bad cop, you're morally-questionable cop, and I'm set-things-on-fire cop."

"Sounds about right."

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"WARNING: When attempting to be clever, make sure you not actually just being stupid."

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"Did you remember to sacrifice the goat before burning the ISO to the DVD-R?"

"Crap! Um, I've got a charred piece of meat here."

"That's called a steak. That's dinner. What about the sacrifices?"

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"I escape through quantum-tunneling. What do I need to roll for that?"

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"Why is it called a 'Monkeylord'?"

"Because it looks like a spider."

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"I have a moral objection to this problem. It implies microwaving a steak."

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"Did you eat the crazy cookies this morning?"

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"The GPU goes 4 by 4, hurrah, hurrah."

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